Sunday, March 29, 2009
Meditation Monday - the third 'A' - ADAPT
Apologies for not being here last Monday. I was in the North of France with my DH to speak on this very subject of a christian marriage.
It is never easy to adapt and especially the concept male/female can be particularly trying!
Carrying on with the book 'The Total Woman' by Marabel Morgen on this subject, I will highlight what she has to say because I couldn't say it any better. Bear in mind we are dealing with the general biblical principles for everyday life.
Adapting to our husbands does bear fruit - although maybe not always visible short term. When I chose to live sacrificially I chose for the long term commitment - and it pays. We have already handled ACCEPT and ADMIRE. So if we accept our husbands as they are (trusting that God does the changing..) how do we ADAPT...Without further ado:
Diana was feeling lonely, neglected and unloved. Should she put her foot down? Insist that he quit football? Demand that he spend more time at home? Threaten him? She had already tried that for two years, but of course nothing had changed. Should she withhold her love? Make him come begging to her? Play the martyr? She had tried that too... no change! The advice I gave her was to ADAPT as that was the only thing I knew would work. Adapt to his way of life wholeheartedly, even if nothing changed. When he is home, make life so attractive he won't want to leave. Don't make him feel guilty and don't complain. Instead, treat him like a king and cater to his needs.
What causes most of the problems in your marriage? I find that conflict between two separate egos is usually the culprit - your viewpoint versus his viewpoint. If they happen to be the same, fine. If not, as so often is the case, conflict results.
For instance, your weary man comes home from the office longing for a quiet evening; You have been cooped up in the house all day and want to get out. There's instant conflict with two egos, each shouting, "Me, me, me." So how can two different egos fuse their two different opinions into one? Some don't. It often results in two people going their separate little ways.
The biblical remedy for marital conflict is "You wifes must submit to your husbands' leadership in the same way you submit to the Lord". Ef.5:22
Before you scream, hear me out.... No one says you have to get married. If you do not wish to adapt to a man stay single. If you are married but not adapting, you probably already know that marriage is not the glorious experience you anticipated.
You may think, "that's not fair, I have my rights. why shouldn't he adapt to my ways first and then maybe I'll consider doing something to please him?". I have seen many couples try this unsuccessfully! Unless the wife adapts to his way of life, conflict is certain to occur.
God originally ordained marriage. He gave certain ground rules and if they are applied a marriage will work...
Man and woman, although equal in status, are different in function. God ordained man to be the head of the family, its president and his wife to be the executive vice-president. When the order is turned around, the system breaks down... there is enough evidence of this in the world today!
We don't have to nag or be a doormat - we have our dignity, opinions and spunk, but we leave the final decisions over to our Head!
We all can find creative ways to adapt and see what a relief it brings to our husbands. I have found that the times I have adapted and followed René (instead of thinking that 'my' way was better) and kept my mouth shut have been the times that I was refreshingly surprised how things worked out - I usually would think things would
only go well if they went how I thought they should - WRONG!! We can be such control freaks! Thank God I am learning! On the other hand if I suggest something in the right attitude, I notice that my DH really thinks it over and actually alot of times he has said, yeah I think you are right this time!! It's just the way we say things sometimes! For me the key is: my relationship with René is also a mirror of my relationship to the Lord - that helps me stay in the right attitude.
I'm stopping here, not to make it too long. It might be helpful too to make this practical with some real issues - I will be back.
God bless! Jacqueline